Out Of Chaos

The telephone rings, and it is your nightmare (at least it is, if you don’t have a home that looks like it belongs on the cover of “House Beautiful” magazine). The one person you would least like to have see your home at it’s worst is on the other end of the line.

It could be :

• Your fancy friends from the city, whose house is always spotless, because they can afford a housekeeper.
• Your mother-in-law, who always gives your house the “white glove test,” because she knows she should never have let you marry her sainted son.
• The new preacher and his wife, from whom you would like to hide your “sins.”
• Anybody else who is on your list.

“Hi there,” they say, “we were in the neighborhood and thought we would drop by to visit in about an hour.”

Breathe deeply. Don’t let the stress get to you. If saying, “This is not a good time,” or “How about we meet down at this cute little coffeehouse downtown” are not options, then you have an hour to tidy the house.

It can be done!

FIRST: Remember that when a person comes to the door, the first thing they will notice is the odor scent aroma. You probably don’t think your house has a “smell,” but it does. You are just accustomed to it. Don’t assault your guest with unpleasant smells.

1. If you can open a window to let the house ventilate, do so.
2. Got cat litter boxes? Empty them, and sprinkle some baking soda on the litter.
3. Empty the trash cans and the recycle bin. A sprinkling of baking soda can work wonders here, too.
4. Put a lemon in the garbage disposal, run hot water, and grind it up.
5. Give the toilets (the ones that will be seen by the guests a good swish with the toilet brush, and wipe the seat, sides, and lid with a disinfectant wipe.
6. DON’T spray the house down with air freshener (not everyone appreciates that odor, either).
7. INSTEAD, put a cinnamon stick, or a tablespoon of cinnamon, in two cups of water and boil it in a pan on the stove. It will smell as if you have been baking all morning.
8. OR, light scented candles in various rooms of the house (wait until just before the guest’s arrival)

SECOND: Tackle the clutter in the rooms that they will see. Don’t worry about bedrooms. You can close the door (if your mother-in-law sneaks a peak, she will deserve whatever she sees!).

• Grab a large garbage bag and a clothes basket (two if necessary)
• Start at the front door, and work your way into rooms in which the guest will go. Along the way, put trash in the bag, and anything that doesn’t belong in that room into the basket.
• If you will put a dust mitt on your hand as you work, you can easily swipe any large dusty surfaces (only worry about eye level and below).
• Once it’s gathered, find a closet to hide it, or put it in the garage.
• If there are dishes in the sink, put them in the dishwasher (if there are too many, put them in a basket and put them in the garage…just don’t forget them, because the roaches won’t!)

THIRD:
Vacuum the high traffic areas (and, if you have pets, vacuum the main seating area so your guests don’t acquire a coating of pet hair). Fluff the couch pillows. If you have dirty windows, pull the shades and turn on some soft lighting.

FINALLY:
Give yourself a pat on the back! Now quick…go change out of the shirt that sports last night’s lasagna, run a comb through your hair, and swipe on some deodorant. Then, drink a glass of your favorite alcoholic beverage. I promise you won’t notice the dusty baseboards.

Tags: Household Chores Simplified, Quick Cleaning // Add Comment »

An empty room — and, better yet, an empty closet!

Fibber McGee didn’t have one of those! For those of you who aren’t old-timers, he’s the guy on the old radio show whose closet was a disaster. It was a running gag that any time the closet door opened, everything came tumbling out. The sound men must have had a riot making all the racket for that program. But, when you have a closet like that it isn’t any fun at all.

Empty anything is an uncommon phenomenon in a packrat’s house, but it’s true. The 18 year old moved away to college this weekend and took his bedroom furniture. The room is now a blank slate!

I’m chomping at the bit to utilize this empty space, but trying to go slowly. I don’t want that room to become a clutter repository. I’m hoping to utilize the space to good advantage (and be able to reduce some of the contents of other closets). Yet, I hope to keep the room simple and enjoyable.

It will be a “guest room.” The room that currently suffices as a guest bedroom doubles as “Craft Central.” It’s where I’ve stashed the multitude of supplies for all of my hobbies. Unfortunately, it’s crammed full, so it is neither relaxing for a guest nor serviceable as a craft room. I can’t unfold a weaving loom, because the bed is in the way. Guests trip over the folded loom in trying to get to the bed and get all tangled up in yarn.

I’m hoping to make “Craft Central” a project room that my husband and I can use simultaneously. Right now, if he wants to work on an electronics project he winds up working on the kitchen cabinet. He needs a space where he can close the door on the project for the evening, and be able to pick up work again the next day. Closing the door is imperative because of the five inquisitive cats at our house.

As for the future guest bedroom, I hope to have the bed, a desk (where I hope to do some writing in an area free from distraction), and a comfortable chair. I’m hoping there will be enough floor space for me to practice yoga in that room, as well. Again, I want to be behind a closed door. Have you ever tried to get in the downward facing dog position with five cat butts in your face? Neither have I … but I can imagine it. Sort of. I mean, I can imagine the cat butts, but I can’t imagine twisting my body into this position. Hopefully, this room will ensure that I no longer have an excuse not to practice yoga.

The empty closet is what makes me the most gleeful. I think this is the first time in my life that I have actually tried to plan what will go into a closet before just cramming it full. I’d like not to overload it, because I want guests to be able to hang up a shirt or two. Yet, it will be wonderful to take some of the burden off of my other closets.

First, I have to paint it (white, of course, since it’s dark inside it…white is so dull). I’m thinking that it will be the perfect spot for my off season clothing (and those rarely worn evening clothes). Perhaps I can store my seasonal decorations on the shelves in it.

Oh…and I can put my extra linens, and the stadium chairs, and the guitar stands, and my extra office supplies…

Wait a minute. It’s a small closet. Someone stop me before I become Fibber McGee!

Tags: Closet clutter // Add Comment »

Now that I have been de-cluttering my house for several months, I’ve noticed something alarming. Those empty spaces, where once there stood various knickknacks, are covered with a thin film of dust! My house is one of those that is impossible to dust. Fifteen minutes after you finish, the dust is right back where it began!

Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten rid of all that excess. At least it hid the dust! One thing that I am figuring out is that one should “just say no” to feather dusters.

I know that your Momma used a feather duster, and her grandmother before that. But, think about it for a minute here: all the feather duster does is move the dust around! Have you ever dusted near a window and seen the dust flying in the air as you swish that feather duster across the furniture?

The worst part is that you can’t clean a feather duster. You can’t throw it in the washing machine. You can take it outside and shake it until your brain rattles, but it won’t make any difference. That dust stays trapped in the feathers until you move it over your furniture.

I like to use the Swiffer dusters (they are disposable) and I found a glove that is excellent for getting cat hair off the furniture (but I have no clue where I got it or even what it is called!).

Lately, I’ve taken to carrying a dust mitt with me in my back pocket as I move around the house during the day. Mine is by Scotch Brite, and is very thin (so I can easily dust even the most fragile figurines). The material catches the dust quite well instead of sending it flying into the air. At the end of the day, I can pop it into the washing machine, and it’s ready for another go-round.

It’s handy to have around for when your sister calls you on the telephone. You can dust while you are listening. You know how it is. She talks and talks endlessly for thirty minutes (saying nothing), and all you have to do to hold up your end of the conversation is just say, “Uh huh” every now and then.

Oh wait…that’s my sister.

Well, you probably have someone like that, too. While you are listening to their telephone rant, you can get your whole house dusted.

Tags: Household Chores Simplified // Add Comment »

A one-time cleanup won’t solve the problem–any more than a crash diet will cure lifelong bad eating habits. ~ Peg Tyre

Inertia sets in. It happens when the dog days of summer arrive. When the temperature soars above the century mark, and you can fry an egg on the pavement, there is no working in the garage! To heck with clutter, all we want is heat relief!

Our momentum for de-cluttering was in high gear, but then we went on vacation, there were work issues, the temperature climbed. In the blink of an eye, the de-cluttering stopped. And, while we weren’t looking — stuff started trying to pile up again. It isn’t as if we are back to “square one,” but it makes me realize that de-cluttering has to become a daily habit.

I’ve listed for myself ten things (that I can do at my leisure this evening) that will help me feel as if I am re-gaining control of the clutter. I have to “get my groove back.”

1. Gather the newspapers that have piled up since vacation and get them to the recycle bin. Why did we think we would read them? It’s old news!
2. Corral the craft projects I’ve been working on in the last few weeks (I know I should work on only one thing at a time, but I get excited). I’m making afghans for charity, but that yarn needs to be in pretty baskets instead of spread out on the coffee table.
3. Set the timer for 10 minutes and waltz through the house with a laundry basket picking up anything that doesn’t belong in that particular room. If I don’t find time to put it away tonight, it can be my first chore in the morning. But, the house will look less cluttered at the end of 10 minutes!
4. Papers have gathered on my desk again. They need to be chunked into a basket, so that I have a desktop. At least, I think there is one under there.
5. A ten minute timer to sort through the refrigerator and chunk any out of date foods (and condiments we will never use) is about all I can handle. Did I think we would ever really eat that exotic French relish? Not this Texas gal, so it’s time for it to say, “Au revoir.”
6. In the kitchen, I can take a few minutes to throw away some of the butter tubs and jars I keep saving (for what earthly reason, I do not know). I save them because my mother saved them. Her mother probably saved them, too.
7. I think I can sort my sock drawer in about 10 minutes, too. I have a whole bag of lonely socks with no mates. If I haven’t found them by now, I’m not going to find them.
8. While I’m in the closet, so to speak, I’ll gather 10 garments I never wear, bag them, and get them in the car. Tomorrow, I can drop them in a donation box.
9. I’ll gather the trash and re-cycled materials and get it outside to the trash cans. That will signify to myself that I am once again ready to “toss the old to make way for the new.” Wait a minute–the goal is not to get a bunch of “new!”
10. The car is parked beside the trash cans, so I’ll take five minutes (no more in this heat) and gather any trash in it. After 5,000 miles of road trip, I believe I could find some trash in that car.

That should get our world back to the point it was before our inertia settled upon us. Theoretically, that should take me less than an hour and a half. Most of it I can do while watching television. Isn’t multi-tasking grand?

Tags: Household Chores Simplified, simplified life // Add Comment »